I’m not going to be your husband but I am going to be the man you’re thinking about twenty years from now.
her: i have a boyfriend me: i have a math test her: what? me: i thought we were naming things we were going to cheat on
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck?
This is the police! You're under arrest for being too cute, now put your hands where i can hold them.
My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?